Dun letter received in the mail today with my notes.
Dear Sucker Mr. Cactus Watcher:
Whatever path your life may have taken you since you last passed by the (campus landmark), your degree from (school nickname) is a significant part of your credentials. So if you are employed please mention your degree and where you got it... a lot. Otherwise just enjoy it in silence. That degree not only demonstrates your hard work ( desire not to get sent to the Viet Nam War, lack of anything better to do) and dedication, it bestows membership in one of the nation's oldest and most distinguished university families.
( Blah, blah... Please donate to our department's programs directly because you know what worthless snots there are over in the ######## department where you also took courses)
We urge you to help by making a gift to one of these important funds:
Departmental Undergraduate Scholarship Fund (So we can raise tuition over all without a guilty conscience)
Faculty Enrichment Fund (Honest, I didn't make that one up!!!!)
Departmental Development Fund (which even compared to the others has no accountability)
Your gift will help provide the hallmarks of a (school nickname) education while strengthening the value of your own degree. Together we will enjoy new levels of achievement and success that bring acclaim to the entire (school nickname) family.
Sincerely,
(What's-her-name who you never met)
Chairman of the (recently renamed with a more imposing sounding title) ######### Department
P.S. Please update us on the significant achievements in your life (so we can claim credit for them)
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It is amazing after all these years with the much greater percentage of college and university graduates that State funded schools like mine still have to beg for funding. I do recommend people donate to the college or university of their choice. But, I also recommend you be very specific about how the money should be spent. Over the years I have once or twice gotten a very aggravating thank-you letter when the funds went to almost, but not quite to the right place.