cactuswatcher | Seeing in three dimensions.

Did you hear the one about the bald guy, two Jews and a lesbian? No, it isn't a joke. No, it wasn't funny. But it was fun.

People say over and over how we only see a small piece of each other as read what each other has written in our journals and elsewhere. But, it really doesn't sink in till you meet people in person. As a student I read a particular person's poetry admiring his depth of thought and feeling. That person eventually won a Nobel prize for literature. But, I had the misfortune to meet the man in person and to discover that he was a complete oaf. His written thought and feelings were a sham. He was bigotted and, frankly he couldn't even read his own poetry aloud with any feeling. Does it detract from what he wrote? Not really, because the oaf he was doesn't intrude on his poetry. But when I hear tales of young people flocking to sit literally at his feet and listen to his wisdom, I get nauseated. His influence as a writer was one thing, his influence as a human being was quite another.

When I first started posting at ATPo, I got the impression that anom, our

anomster, was a guy, but kind of a strange guy. When I later learned she was a woman a lot of the mystery and strangeness disappeared. Call me prejudiced if you want, but the way she writes makes a lot more sense to me now, than it did the first few months. Maybe a year later I first saw a picture of her. You get a certain impression from that too. But, not as clear as you'd think. The first time I saw her in person was a fairly simple moment, but it was complicated, too. I was waiting out in front of the restaurant specifically to meet her. It's a busy street and a lot of cars were going by. She was coming from a long way away and had no clear idea of when she was going to arrive. I wasn't paying a lot of attention, since obviously I had even less idea when she was going to show up. But, I happened to glance up into approaching traffic, and saw a woman in the passenger seat of a car starting to get excited. Of course, it flashed through my mind, 'That's anom! She recognizes me." Anom and I were early for the meeting so we sat and talked for awhile. Well, that was the purpose of the meeting, wasn't it? I liked anom, back when I thought she was a guy. I like her even more now as I've seen more and more what's she's like as a real person.

I think I've apologized enough to Cheryl for misjudging her. I had the idea from what she'd posted at ATPo the first few weeks she was on the board that she was a wild and crazy teenager, and maybe not in a good way crazy. It turns out she is a very thoughtful and sincere woman, and it was my distrust that made her sincerity seem odd. It's a priviledge to know her.

We all have our impressions of Masquerade. I have to say that Masq in the flesh is even better, too. Wisewoman pointed out to me this year that I have more sensitivity toward sound in my writing than I do toward the visual. It really has made a big difference being able to hear Masq say the same sorts of things she writes in her journal. In her case, it isn't that she seems different in person or on the phone. But, you get a much better impression of the depth of a person sometimes in those situations. Adding that extra dimension to your impression of someone does make a difference. It was funny sitting there listening to her say what she used to say to people timid about joing in at ATPo, "We're not that smart!" Actually, Masq, we are. That certainly does scare some people. But, to each other we're just more or less normal. I think that's what you're really trying to tell people when you say that. Smart people are normal, too!

Not all of us have the time or the resources to travel across the country. Not all of us have the courage to drive across town to meet someone. Not everyone has the courage to even write for a little help and encouragement. Even though anom and Cheryl probably won't even see this, I'd like to thank all the friends I've met here on-line, especially

wisewoman,

anomster,

atpolittlebit,

soulfulspike80 and

masqthephlsphr for making my 2004 so pleasant.

Here's hoping all of you feel as good about 2005.

Cactus Watcher