Cactus Watcher Strikes Again

Five jobs I'd have really been bad at.

1. Sales Representative (My voice says 'Sure, ours is the best!" My face says, 'Don't hit me when you realize how bad ours is!")
2. Motivational speaker ('Of course, all that only works if you're not a total loser, like most of you here today.')
3. Restaurant critic (The food was great, but then my dog isn't picky.)
4. Clinical psychologist ('Oh, just shut up, and suck it up!')
5. Spy (I go to some stores once every six months where there are hundreds of people in and out every day and everyone says, 'Oh, I remember you!')

I like to watch TV cooking shows, but...
Five things that dismay me on cooking shows.

1. Simple dishes for home cooking that take a food processor, three mixing bowls, five cooking pans, two ovens, a stove top and a backyard grill.
2. Chefs automatically adding black pepper to dishes with hot chillies in them.
3. Taste tests with brands not found beyond 100 miles from the city of origin of the show.
4. Using a presentation plate that's too big for the dish and squirting designs in sauce directly on the plate.
5. Ethnic food chefs whose accent in their tongue of ethnic origin is unbearably American.