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Name the title of the seventh book now and win bragging rights forever!
Here's the super secret outline of book #7. (Book #6 spoilers included!)
The Dursley's sensing their chance to be finally rid of Harry sneak away from the house in the middle of the night, never to be seen again.
Harry plans to drop out, but Professor McGonangall goes to the Dursley's in cat form and literally drags Harry back to school by the ear.
Harry finds the ancient prophecy that Lord Voldemort keeps all his horcruxes within ten kilometers of Hogwarts. (He just would, wouldn't he?)
Hermione breaks up with Ron because he keeps spelling Horcrux with a "w" and an "e." Ron, his feelings shattered to the core, gets Lavender pregnant within the week and has to leave school to support her.
Dumbledore returns and whispers in Potter's ear, "Use the force, Harry! Bwahahahaha!"
Dumbledore and Nearly-headless Nick, have a big spat over who gets to be the house ghost of Gryffindor. Nick wins and Dumbledore sulks in a corner for the rest of the book.
Draco goes back to school under the general amnesty declared by Professor McGonagall. Crabbe and Goyle get wise, murder Draco and blame it on Harry. McGonagall believes their story, flies into a rage and deducts five points from Gryffindor for ax murder. Harry vows revenge.
Hermione is kidnapped to trap Harry. Harry is so busy vowing revenge for his parents, Dumbledore, Draco and for anything else he can think of he never notices she's gone. Snape and Hermione discuss their mutual disgust at Harry for having used Snape's old text book. The two discover their mutual love of the geeky, fall in love and get married. Snape finds a job teaching at a wizard school in Argentina. Hermione finds her true talent and enrolls in beauty college.
Harry is too distracted by school and the Quidditch team to notice that He-whose-name-is-a lot-shorter-than-all-this-paraphasing has boldly entered the school. In Dumbledore's old office, Harry and McGonagall finally confront Voldemort, who spouts all sorts of vile and unpleasant threats. McGonagall deducts ten points from Slytherin for bullying.
Neville and Luna arrive, shouting, "We're here to help!" Voldemort says, "Thanks for the offer, but I was doing fine without you!" Giggling hysterically Lord H.W.M.N.B.N. backs into the shelving. The Sorting Hat plops squarely on his head. "Let's see," says the hat. "Definitely not Slytherin material. No greatness here. Not Gryffindor. No great courage either." Voldemort, beginning to fear the worst, mutters, "It must be Ravenclaw then! It must be!" The hat gloomily replies, "Sorry you're not smart enough to be in with those geeks. Better be with those lazy, good for nothing, losers, Hufflepuff!" Voldemort instantly dies of embarassment, and the land of wizarding is saved.
Possible entries for the title contest:
Harry Potter and the Half-Clad Stripper
Harry Potter and Senior-itis
Harry Potter and His Muggles Mistresses
Harry Potter Does Las Vegas
Harry Potter and the Ambiguously Sounding Thingumabob
Lord Vordemort and What's Left of That Git Potter.
Here's the super secret outline of book #7. (Book #6 spoilers included!)
The Dursley's sensing their chance to be finally rid of Harry sneak away from the house in the middle of the night, never to be seen again.
Harry plans to drop out, but Professor McGonangall goes to the Dursley's in cat form and literally drags Harry back to school by the ear.
Harry finds the ancient prophecy that Lord Voldemort keeps all his horcruxes within ten kilometers of Hogwarts. (He just would, wouldn't he?)
Hermione breaks up with Ron because he keeps spelling Horcrux with a "w" and an "e." Ron, his feelings shattered to the core, gets Lavender pregnant within the week and has to leave school to support her.
Dumbledore returns and whispers in Potter's ear, "Use the force, Harry! Bwahahahaha!"
Dumbledore and Nearly-headless Nick, have a big spat over who gets to be the house ghost of Gryffindor. Nick wins and Dumbledore sulks in a corner for the rest of the book.
Draco goes back to school under the general amnesty declared by Professor McGonagall. Crabbe and Goyle get wise, murder Draco and blame it on Harry. McGonagall believes their story, flies into a rage and deducts five points from Gryffindor for ax murder. Harry vows revenge.
Hermione is kidnapped to trap Harry. Harry is so busy vowing revenge for his parents, Dumbledore, Draco and for anything else he can think of he never notices she's gone. Snape and Hermione discuss their mutual disgust at Harry for having used Snape's old text book. The two discover their mutual love of the geeky, fall in love and get married. Snape finds a job teaching at a wizard school in Argentina. Hermione finds her true talent and enrolls in beauty college.
Harry is too distracted by school and the Quidditch team to notice that He-whose-name-is-a lot-shorter-than-all-this-paraphasing has boldly entered the school. In Dumbledore's old office, Harry and McGonagall finally confront Voldemort, who spouts all sorts of vile and unpleasant threats. McGonagall deducts ten points from Slytherin for bullying.
Neville and Luna arrive, shouting, "We're here to help!" Voldemort says, "Thanks for the offer, but I was doing fine without you!" Giggling hysterically Lord H.W.M.N.B.N. backs into the shelving. The Sorting Hat plops squarely on his head. "Let's see," says the hat. "Definitely not Slytherin material. No greatness here. Not Gryffindor. No great courage either." Voldemort, beginning to fear the worst, mutters, "It must be Ravenclaw then! It must be!" The hat gloomily replies, "Sorry you're not smart enough to be in with those geeks. Better be with those lazy, good for nothing, losers, Hufflepuff!" Voldemort instantly dies of embarassment, and the land of wizarding is saved.
Possible entries for the title contest:
Harry Potter and the Half-Clad Stripper
Harry Potter and Senior-itis
Harry Potter and His Muggles Mistresses
Harry Potter Does Las Vegas
Harry Potter and the Ambiguously Sounding Thingumabob
Lord Vordemort and What's Left of That Git Potter.
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