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Just watched this sub-classic. When you get a direct-to-DVD movie you expect low budget, shaky acting, poor script, and outright blunders. Battle of the Bulge: Winter War meets all those expectations. If it's not the worst war movie ever it's certainly up there in the running.
0:00 Based on an incredible true story... Not the first movie to make this claim and not the first to result in a movie that isn't at all credible.
0:09 Our hero(?) played by Steven Luke... wait for it
0:10 Steven Luke Schuetzle, the screen-play writer/director/producer/star actor of the film. And as you might expect in such a vanity production, he's pretty much a failure at all of those jobs! And since he cleverly used his stage name (first and middle name) for some of the credits, who'll ever know?
0:18 Luke shows his lack of authority as a director: Billy Zane has his moustache and a persistent silly grin as he plays the only historical character, the clean shaven General Omar Bradley.
0:20 Tom Berenger's acting is fine, but he's old enough to be Zane's father and he's only playing a major!
Berenger's infantry major is somehow an expert on the reserves of the whole German Army.
___________
The Chain of Command in the movie, and I'm not kidding. The corporal asks the private what to do. The sergeant asks the corporal what to do. The lieutenant asks the sergeant what to do. We ship a few ranks and the three-star general asks the major what to do, so he can go tell the theater commander Eisenhower what to do!
___________
0:24 Notice the blue skies now and later. At one point in the movie two different officers are outside under clear blue skies talking to pilots up in the air who claim to see nothing because of low cloud cover. Luke, the dummy director, didn't film them on a cloudy day!
0:31 They talk about a huge force of panzers, but this little tank destroyer is the only one in the movie.
0:45 The guy who plays this black sergeant does one of the best acting jobs in this bad movie.
1:08 Lieutenant fires a "Panzerfaust." The Lieutenant came running up to this spot with exactly two of these bulky things. The genius sergeant beside him asks "How many shots do we have?" Notice this shot hits a half-track personnel-carrier, not a panzer.
1:14 Germans "Bonzai" charge. Should be a massacre. But it's okay because everyone seems to be shooting blanks. The "Germans" who fall probably have just slipped in the snow.
There is about as much tension in this movie as a training film on how to clean latrines. Guys coming home from the war in this movie won't have PTSD. They'll have PTBD to deal with, post-total boredom disorder.
0:00 Based on an incredible true story... Not the first movie to make this claim and not the first to result in a movie that isn't at all credible.
0:09 Our hero(?) played by Steven Luke... wait for it
0:10 Steven Luke Schuetzle, the screen-play writer/director/producer/star actor of the film. And as you might expect in such a vanity production, he's pretty much a failure at all of those jobs! And since he cleverly used his stage name (first and middle name) for some of the credits, who'll ever know?
0:18 Luke shows his lack of authority as a director: Billy Zane has his moustache and a persistent silly grin as he plays the only historical character, the clean shaven General Omar Bradley.
0:20 Tom Berenger's acting is fine, but he's old enough to be Zane's father and he's only playing a major!
Berenger's infantry major is somehow an expert on the reserves of the whole German Army.
___________
The Chain of Command in the movie, and I'm not kidding. The corporal asks the private what to do. The sergeant asks the corporal what to do. The lieutenant asks the sergeant what to do. We ship a few ranks and the three-star general asks the major what to do, so he can go tell the theater commander Eisenhower what to do!
___________
0:24 Notice the blue skies now and later. At one point in the movie two different officers are outside under clear blue skies talking to pilots up in the air who claim to see nothing because of low cloud cover. Luke, the dummy director, didn't film them on a cloudy day!
0:31 They talk about a huge force of panzers, but this little tank destroyer is the only one in the movie.
0:45 The guy who plays this black sergeant does one of the best acting jobs in this bad movie.
1:08 Lieutenant fires a "Panzerfaust." The Lieutenant came running up to this spot with exactly two of these bulky things. The genius sergeant beside him asks "How many shots do we have?" Notice this shot hits a half-track personnel-carrier, not a panzer.
1:14 Germans "Bonzai" charge. Should be a massacre. But it's okay because everyone seems to be shooting blanks. The "Germans" who fall probably have just slipped in the snow.
There is about as much tension in this movie as a training film on how to clean latrines. Guys coming home from the war in this movie won't have PTSD. They'll have PTBD to deal with, post-total boredom disorder.